dealing with loss
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DEALING WITH LOSS OF LOVE
RET disputes these irrational beliefs and help the people to risk rejection,
keep proving to themselves in a scientific method that they do not have to find love,
and it is hardly horrible if they do not find it, and they can stand rejection from
the opposite sex; their worth as a human does not decrease when they get rejected or treated badly.
The client is also asked to do other cognitive techniques as taking advantages of
taking risks to find the partner of their own choice despite rejection, teaching
social skills, relaxation techniques, imagery forceful self - statements, role
playing, shame attacking and implosive assignments.
They teach thoughts like this: "it would be nice if condition made it easy and
enjoyable for me to meet people until I finnd suitable love partner,
but the world is hardly a terrible place if things are difficult and if I have
to keep striving to get what I want.
One of the main love problems is that of losing the love of a chosen partner.
The loss of love may lead to depression, anxiety, self-pity, self-downing, rage or even
suicide or homicide. They tend to create several irrational beliefs such as:
1. I must not be rejected by you for it indicates something is radically wrong with
me and I am inadequate person, most probably not worthy of winning any good person's love in the
present or future.
2. Since I have not gained and have lost the love of the beloved I am gruesomely
unattractive and incompetent.
3. I am an excellent person and you do not appreciate me and favor me as you're mean and
nasty for rejecting me, and I will have to get even without if it's the last
thing I do.
4. Conditions should be arranged so that I should always win the love of the beloved I
really desire and so that I do not have to do too much trouble to win it.
5. When conditions are against me, life is perfectly awful, I can't stand it, and I can
do nothing but perfectly miserable.
6. When someone whom I love and who loves me dies or is otherwise taken away from me it
is totally unfair, I can not bear a world that is that unfair and cruel.
7. There is no one else in the world who can make up for me the kind of relationship
I had with this person. I cannot be happy at all and I might as
well kill myself.
RET put all this a rational way by saying something like this :
My beloved was a fine partner but there are always other partners with whom I can have
a good relationship.
The person whose love I have lost has own reasons for rejecting me,
and these reasons may have little to do with me or the way in which I act.
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